You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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