I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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