I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
