Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You ruined the universe
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize