dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
