so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
