Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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