Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
