Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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