what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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