Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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