why didn't you poke me back
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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