he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if only i could text you this smell
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
