Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
