White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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