i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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