I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
