I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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