YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
