I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We left the knife in your bed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
