called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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