I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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