Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
