Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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