I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
