Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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