So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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