Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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