Welp...herpes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
