Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
