Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
