I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
