I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
