I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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