There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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