I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
