Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
