she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
