I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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