Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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