Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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