Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want you more than these girls want KFC
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
