My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
