I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
