the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
