last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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