careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
