I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
