Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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