Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
