when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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