Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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