i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
