3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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