After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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