I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
