So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
