I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
