Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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