I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
