I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
